it's still there
it still hurts
feeling the pain
recalling every moment
with a heavy heart
listening to the songs
it hurts
it still does

i thought it was gone
i thought it was done

guess i was wrong

yes, it's only 745am and here i am sitting blogging, starting the day off. slept at 3am, finally finished editing my cultural studies essay. i must say my group did one crazy good job. pretty satisfied after editing it. hopefully everyone is ok with the final outcome and can hand in by friday.

so why am i up so early today??? the same reason as yesterday, to study durin day and slepe at a saner time by night. but i am not too sure if it works for me. yesterday din really work out well, as i got mixed up all the drugs stupid pk by dinner and i was freeaking out. nothing could go in and so i had to resolve to my cultural studies.

let along with only 4 hours of sleep, i doubt if anything will stay intact in my brain. i wonder if i am better off at
a) studying during the day
b) studying while uh hum, watching series, having some form of entertainment
c) studying a lil, then go sleep....

somehow i have a feeling that b and c works for me better. ahahah, weird i know.

i did mentioned this before, freaking out with the fact of my crazy plan in the next three weeks....reading week and ipoh trip and finals....i do not need to get even more panic with the help from my friends, hui san and mathew. worried sick for me, thanks a lot guys. i do know i am dead, but all i can say is, to TRY MY BEST and really stick to my study plan....though most of the time, you guys would probably hear me screaming once a while.

i am fine k, not stressed out or anything. the fear and intimidation does exist in my heart, but i guess everything should be fine for all is being planned. like i said, i worry first, and hopefully, so hopefully, by next week, at times of crisis, i wont panic.

call me weird i know!!! oh ya, back to back now, suppose to eat breakfast with ah zhi and go science return book. but she just woke up. rather than continue sleeping, i might as well finish up some notes.

and i tell you, reading dermatology and burns, especially of pemphigus vulgaris, with an empty stomach, is SOOOOOOO not a good thing to start in the morning. with the pictures and the feeling of your gastric acid secreting up your git, i think i can vomit anytime soon. =/

guess i should go for my physio this friday. back is hurting again. sigh....woke up early today, breakfast with pei zhi. her egg and ham was calling me since last week. purposely arrange for breakfast so i can get up early and start studying, do work early.

and i finally finished my IRONING QUEST...finally. but its raining now, and i am trying real hard to fall back on my bed again. breakfast besides ah zhi, was wern lunn. apparently he came over yih to do his assignment due later. and also 'ah zhi's nasi padang' guy. arghhhhh

managed to finish some contemp before coming abck to do my room and completed my ironing quest. only eleven plus now and am really planning to finish 3/4 of pharmaco, one part of contemp, one part of immuno and finish CULTURAL assignment, which is a pain i tell you.

i just came to realization, ipoh trip is next week!!! oh man, am freaking out deep in my heart. genes and cultural haven started anything. giving a week for genes, or less than that actually with pharmaco. immuno chiong after i come back from ipoh. yes, mr. wern lunn still say its ok what ipoh trip next week, sure can make it one. i am not so sure this time.

the m3s going will have their end of posting test that morning, with another test two weeks later. the m5s will be having their finals in less than 4 months. dentistry and duke wont be having their test anytime soon. nursing will have finals two days after the trip.

oh well, thinking on the bright side, its a time off from a week of mugging and relaxation before finals. i just pray for discipline, focus and lots and lots of grace.

*i dunno if this means the end, solved, whether your heart has been replaced*

i think most of us are in a crisis of having a lazy brain. take a lot of effort to do any work.

seems like my brain is rusting. cant seem to remember what the past week is like. things happened before friday seemed to be erased off from my mind. only thing i can remember was mugging at science and respectively with wei qi till night.

and what an 'exciting' friday for this past week. our final simulation for this sem. been having a bad feeling. waking up in the morning, heavy and dull.....wei qi says it must be ME, being staff nurse for this weeks simulation. turns out she was the one but we traded in the end after her 'screaming' the whole of nsl, till mdm rabiah was so shocked!! haha....


so jasmine and i bcame the staff nurse with wei qi as enrolled nurse and pei zhi as student nurse. blood transfusion rxn was the crisis event for the day and again, its chaotic. vital signs unstable, complaints from patient, medication administration. this simulation, was a wrap for all the skills that we have learnt so far, and i do realised that i dread simulation, more to the fear that i cant handle the situation, which reflects me in future on how to become a staff nurse, handling crisis and delegating work while making the correct decision.


after simulation, housekeeping began with the floor with lunch at munchie monkey with the tubbies. had the brownie which was super good. then at 3pm , went out to vivo, supposedly to watch hsm3, but there were no more seats left. all were separated and had to resolve to quantum of solace.

i have no idea what the story is about. seems to be me like several clips were put together, creating a movie. the action part was ok though. and for goodness sake, its only one and a half hours, but it felt soooo long. hsm3 would have been longer. with dinner and a long chat, friday ended for me at 11 plus. was soo damn tired, lucky had a ride home, or i would be sleep walking. i couldnt even keep my eyes open by the time i got back to my room. so dun need to mention study for the day.

saturday morning, ironing!!! and yes, piles and piles are waiting for me. i couldnt take it then by 2. tidying up the room, studied a lil and it was time to go for dinner - prof shih appreciation dinner. food, drink, socialise - normal routine for a function. this time with new companies though.

but last night i guess to me was one of a nite. crazy jia yang, mark, kevin and ying liang are like mad medical students who are alcoholics. uncontrollable!! luckily siva, darius, chi ching and i were still sane. it was a good time off for me, maybe due to the alcohol; but i do know the tubs would be screaming at me for drinking. most have fallen ill, and for a girl like me with extremely low immunity, its just sooo not the time for me to be the victim, seeing finals and ipoh trip is around the corner. nite din end well for my dear president i guess, puking after drinking.

slept thru my morning, and continued my ironing campaign. couldnt take all of it, so it will tbc for tomorrow. really took such a great deal and effort for me to just focus on my studies. really hope the things i studied went in.

ah ha, i remembered, wed i went for physiotherapy for my back ache. its fine i guess, normal the physiotherapist said after knowing i used to do high jump.

gonna really have to start keeping focus, staying health and resting well. i am pretty worried with this sems finals. so not prepared. i wanna do well, and i guess i can only try my best, leavingno regrets behind.

the weather is crazy, i am indeed sweating like a pig. hm....feels like sore throat is looming down my neck. and itchy nose....oh bother.....

at this moment of time, it is just soooooo warm!!! i feel like i am turning into a roasted pig soon in my room. let along with the amount of drugs am taking.....figuratively i mean.

guess most of us are now mugging, my batch with pharmaco. juniors with assignments. m2s are gonna have a week of cas. yes, i have started but i cant guarantee how much is really absorped.

so what happened the past week.....
after i got back on tuesday, attended cancer lecture where most ppl think am crazy to attend it since i just got back here. then cell group, got guest who is like so pro in religious relics...and thanks to him, we each got a few too. seems like an early xmas present =>. then we celebrated ferdi's bday. ferdi...my cell group leader, also my friend, my brother....always there guiding me and supporting me.

wednesday, i skipped pharmaco lecture....couldnt get up. and for cultural studies, finished the lost highway movie, which i am still now lost. honestly, i have no idea how am i gonna pass this module. i mean the lecture is interesting, but in terms of exams, i think i am gonna have to crap things out. seems like i am getting a lil of my life back...after tutorial, spend my tea time with pei zhi....like the good old days where we just sit, drink and chat.

oh and i practised my skills for injection. yeap, thursday was my test day and boy, it sucked big time. i have no idea what happened, i just couldn seem to pull the plunger when drawing medication. took a hell lot of time then. smelly sponge was so think, there was still half an inch of needle sticking out and my tiny whiny hands cant seem to manipulate all the positions that i needed to. oh well, lets just hope i pass or i will cry having to practise 5x before resiting for the test.

and oh thursday, apparently my dear cousin is still in town and i went to raffles city to meet him that nite. tot he went back already. dinner and shokudo, instead of me bringing him around, he brought me instead and the place is cool!!! like jap food bazaar. then we went over to chymes and sit relax and chat. and yes, i drank, really gotta control myself...

so sit relax and chat huh?? he was saying, singapore is sure a damn good place to earn money, but definitely not a good way of living. sorry singaporeans. i have to agree with him, really its a well developed place, with really very talented ppl, which kinda make it suck a lil. competition and all the rush. setting up a family, having a peaceful life seems kinda hard here. and guess what he told me.... SHERLY, all you got to do now is to EAT, STUDY, SLEEP AND RELAX. dun worry about anything else....yeah right....who ever knows me, i definitely am doing more than that. but i guess my cousins right after all, i am only twenty and while ppl cant wait to graduate to start work, i can!! cos life seems kinda boring, or should i say stagnant when you wake up and go to work. at least for now, i still have studies, weekends, holidays, and EXAMS....

speaking of which, i really gotta buckle up and start pulling my socks. gotta control my diet, drinking, and definitely my series. good news is, i have caught up with most of my fav series and thus, i will have a weekly series marathon. i still wanna do well for my finals and i think i can. just that i cant be lazy.

right now, i am just so freaking lazy to IRON MY CLOTHES, let along in this super uber warm weather somemore. its been piling up my clothes in the cupboard, washed but unironed. and i am certainly running out of ironed clothes to wear. so please feel FREE TO CONTACT me whoever wants to help me iron =>

thursday is always a good day of the week cos here comes friday, where i only got hours of class. and this week, friday was yet again another field trip. trip to nuh blood bank centre. redundant you might think but at least its an opportunity given to see whats with all the blood products done. then i met david, my dental fren, passed him some stuff. and mathew too, who happened to have an op in nuh that day. well, he is the one doing the op, not getting an op, fyi. lunch, which i think i made him late for the next op. and after that i was just so tired, and locked myself in my room. trying to study, till now.

and i am indeed exhausted. still got tonnes to do, pharmaco, smelly cultural and some nonsense work which just never ends. guess what my fren said was right.....WHY YOU STILL HAVEN QUIT YOUR CCAS?

*EAT, STUDY, SLEEP, RELAX = PIG*
*i guess it shall be done though it's hard*
*cos faith without deeds is not faith*
*and it's just all about faith, hope and love!!*