If God answers your prayers,
He's increasing your faith.

If He delays,
He's increasing your patience.

If He doesn't answer,
He's knows You can Handle it.

Theres this girl who had a dream,
but thought a dream is just a dream,
and that her life is all about reality.
Until she hears her calling,
she broke free from what she thought was a dream
and listened to it.
Now that she is in it,
she made a mistake.
yes she did
adding on to the challenges and difficulties.
Yet she hung on
For many were right by her side,
friends and closed one supporting her
and her mentors believing in her.
Yes, she is still hanging on.

But the girl who people believed in
and have faith in
trusting she may be destinied for greatness
is in fact weak
timid and afraid
fear of not making mistakes
or not living up to ppl's expectations
but of herself...
for the girl who has what it takes in life
doesnt feel it
or at least is empty
but only tears accompanying her
every single day.

she knows she can do it
with the help, the teachings and motivation
with the fear that may be a potential challenge
but she also knows that sth is not right
she cant possibly be crying every single day
after doing whats right and her best
she knows that without the heart,
all is gone...
her dreams, others expectations,
triumph over her fear...
she knows she cant do it with the right heart
and no one
no one can give it to her
but Him
and this is all she is asking for
to let her take her first step once again.

finals are finally over...yet things are worse than as off before.
the present has changed, the future has changed.
there are just so many things that needs to be done,
things that need to be thought through
because time waits for no man.

and telling me to not think, block it off...
i am trying but as off now, i just cant cos its my life at stake
every minute of it is in my hands
not having anyone to decide for me, choose for me,
or tell me what to do but myself

i am sorry i have to be selfish now...
i cant have you repeat my history at this very week
a week full of reflection not just for this semester,
but the full two years
a week that i have been waiting for
to dedicate to my frens, my founded family here
yet a week of mixed thoughts and emotions,
full of uncertainties and fear
on the change in my plans
a week of important occasions,
the feeling of missing and not being able with your closest ppl
after 20 years of having that opportunity.

i can fly and i want to
but i shouldnt cos i have to be strong
no more running away, finding comfort
no more avoiding, just to feel safe and secure.

cos i have my family too here
supporting me and giving me the strength
once before and now and ever shall be
but will that one very most important member
who was absent before
ever know all this
and walking thru it with me this time???

i am sorry i have to be selfish now
i am sorry i just have to think
i am sorry i have to cry
cos these are the only things i can
to make me strong
to get me thru the day
and make everything ok

if you have to go
if i have to leave....
then i shall take watever that happens
to save the wonders of whether we will make it thru
each time things arise
to save the fears and emotions....
i would go
i would leave
only if you want me to

i think my body got its deserved rest.....thank you dear!
however, its wasnt really a good sleep....
by nine i konked out with the effects of two drowsy meds = flu and motion sickness
but by 11pm, woke up for toilet business
then 2pm i think, some crazy idiot just has to blast his/her speakers so loud with techno music
and 4plus, it started to rain and had to get up and close my windows.
worse of all, the heat was a killer thruout the nite
am sweating like a pig = quoting from my fave cute kids movie, little rascals!!
even chris's cooler din work, but just blowing hot air
nevertheless, i did get my rest.

so gonna have to mug hard now.
i just watched 6 episodes of ANTM cycle 11.
shoot me ppl!!

and as monday arrives, =<, sadly, i cant run away from psych....
goodbye microbi and contem

mug hard my nursing frens,....and those who are sitting for exams
to my m2 frens.....hang in there...you'll get used to the tiredness=>
and dun be afraid of the crash course skills....you all will master it in a few months time.=P

where i just want to sleep...
no!! actually,
I NEED MY SLEEP...
besides having the 'bloody epidemic',
eye bags are forming,
and my back pain is getting worse...
so yeah, I NEED MY SLEEP.

so what did i do about it?
cut down tea, chocolate, less caffeine consumption
resist afternoon naps
study as much as i can during the day so i will be tired by nite
and sleep early!!

outcome:
my brain just wont shut till the clock strikes one am
the earlier i try to get into bed,
i get up EVEN EARLIER EACH DAY.
arghhhh.....
body is breaking down,
BUT
my hyperactive brain is just sooo hyper....

what can i say...
blessed to have an active brain??
or
am sooo dead, am gonna fall sick sooon!!
sneezing = cold
back pain = physio girl said its chronic already
eye bags = turning to zombie
pale = anemia

great.....this is just great!!!!

** i think some are gonna kill me....I REALLLY REALLY prefer working on MICROBI than touching CONTEMP, MED SOCI or PSYCH!!!**

=P

it kills me that i hurt you this way
the worst part is that i didnt even know
i know you deserve much better
now theres a million reasons for you to go
but if you can find a reason to stay

ill do watever it takes
to turn this around
i know whats at stake
i know i have let you down
and if you give me a chance
believe that i can change
ill keep us together
watever it takes

cos id be lost without you
and never find myself
lets hold on to each other
above everything else

start over
if its ok with you....

i will do watever it takes
to turn this around
i know whats at stake
i know i have let you down
and if you give me a chance
believe i can change
ill keep us together
watever it takes