Give me your reason,
Why are you feeling so blue.
Can you tell me?
I want to know.

I think about you when you’re gone.
I guess I miss you.
Nothings wrong.
I dun need to carry on.

Cos I miss you.
This is all I wanna say.
This three words have said it all.
I know it doesn’t sound so cool.
But maybe I am love in with you.

~.~.~.~.~

I’ve never felt this way before.
…The days felt like years when I’m alone.
Everything that I do,
Reminds me of you.

When you’re gone,
The pieces of my heart are missing you;
The face I came to know is missing too.
When you’re gone,
All the words I need to hear to get me thru the day,
And make it ok,
I miss you.

~.~.~.~.~

…its gonna be a long night,
And its gonna be cold without your arms.
And I know I am gonna lose this fight,
Lost in your arms,
Baby,
Lost in your arms.



Words specially from
- I miss you by Darren Hayes
- When you’re gone by Avril Lavigne
and
- Long night by The Corrs

Indeed it has been a while since I posted anything, bout one month ago. Let me recall, back form ipoh, finals, clinical attachment….one after another, no time to blog bout anything.

Am now back home, kuching, home sweet home. Been nearly a week….yeap, still coughing my way thru, 2 weeks already. Wat else, I think my daily routine for the next two weeks will be rise and shine, eat – breakfast, linger around, eat- lunch, afternoon nap, eat – dinner, sleep. And the cycle repeats. See how many eat and sleep, oh boy, sure like fat pig by the time I go back for my new semester. Heheh. home cooked food, seafood, local delicacies, yum yum, cant get much of that when I return.

So from where I left off, last month, end of November…… reading week, mugging for finals. Then by end of it, I went over to ipoh for the medical alumni trip

21-23 Nov - Medical Alumni Trip in Ipoh
Indeed, it is crazy to go for a trip in the middle of the reading week, or should I say start of my finals. Me, jasmine tan and chi ching went up with other 14 students from medicine and dentistry. They fortunately dun have finals like all of us. So they are in their jolly mood throughout the trip. Haha. But it was great fun and enjoyment. Relaxation in the midst of the mugging. Bus trip up for about 7 hours plus on Friday morning. By nite, informal dinner, where we have all the best hawker food in ipoh gathered just for us. Eating, drinking and singing songs, with poker and supper ending the nite. Kinda obvious rite, wherever we go FOOD marks the smile on everyones faces. Of course, throughout this time, we too did study to the best of our ability. Jasmine and I were just glued to pharmaco. Saturday morning, woke up late, had brunch and a lil local delicacies shopping, ate the famous tau fu fa and kai si hor fun. Bought tambun and pong piah. by the evening, went shopping, where jasmine and I went crazy shopping over clothes and dresses since they are all kinda $$$$ of the opposite meaning. Nite, was the formal dinner for the alumni reunion and my nite ended with books and sleep. So Sunday morning, we set off , heading back to Singapore. While everyone was lazying around and all, I was not in great shape, horrible diarrhea and vomit. I guess it was the worst bus ride ever having to be in that state. Thanks to all my fellow bus mates who took care of me…but of course, yes yes, now you all can laugh at me. Hahah. By the time we reach sg, it was 7 plus, I was just drained out with the vomit and diarrhea, I just have no energy to even text.

24 Nov – 2 Dec – Finals and zooming to Results
SO I came back in a bad shape. Dragged myself to the doctor, and I think this is the worse experience I have ever had. Couldn’t eat for 2 days, doing my big business for I think 3-4 days. Thank goodness by the time I sit for my finals, first paper immuno, I was much better. Of course, I wont be able to recover that fast with the help of my fren.
So, exams were generally horrible, I must say this when all my papers ended. But as the results were out, I just have no idea how I managed to pull thru. I did ok, better than I expected, WAY BETTER seeing how I walked thru my this sem of negligence towards my studies and focusing on events and activities. Disappointed with IMMUNO definitely, PHARMACO was ok, and GENES was a heart attack I tell you after the test. I think that day was the worse day ever. Having both pharmaco and genes on the same day. Lucky to say pharmaco was alrite, but having to sit for genes was just so so horrifying. I have never felt such a failure in my life till after that paper. And am just glad again to have pulled thru my sad emo moments with my fren then. Turns out I passed, and that’s all I am hoping for since am gonna su it. Cultural studies was just crap, right what I thought and my comments. And contemp nursing, my worst fear for exams came true….pens ran out of ink. Oh well, but overall, am just glad!! I am indeed thankful with my results, with how and what I have been through the semester and still having this kind of results. I just cant thank God for more.

9 – 19 Dec – Clinical Attachment in AH
Postings has always been a challenging time for me. And this time I was really looking forward to how it will be. Having a definite answer for nursing, I know there wasnt gonna be any turning back. But indeed on the first day I was freaked out. Guessed it must be the pressure I put on myself, being so lost in the new ward, my heart just wasn’t settled. Indeed surgical orthopedic or should I say rojak wark of medical and geriatrics too, it was a fun ward, I mean there were soooo many cool cases in my ward and am really delighted. To be able to see small intestines covered with dressings, to who-would-have-guessed-you got the opportunity to see bullae pemphigoid, I was just intrigued. But I dunno if its just me, having to face thru challenges over challenges or is it a sign for me that nursing is just not for me….i made a mistake on the second week, second day. It was bad…not gonna revive the whole incident. Yes, a black mark for my this attachment, makes me wonder what the hell is going on with me and attachments. I know I have disappointed tones of ppl. But the funny thing was I managed to move, got over it so quick. This was surprising. The thought of quiting wasn’t there, but just to move on, learn from my mistakes and carried on with my routine. i am indeed scared of wats happening. Good that’s what ppl say, since am not dwelling upon it, but I am scared I will turn heartless, emotionless, hardened, treating as if nothing has happened. But whatever it is, am just glad that whatever I have been thru, has indeed made me a stronger person. I have grown I know. Or I tell you I will never be able to survive my clinical mistakes, endure all the disappointments and consequences I have made.

2008 – A Reflection
As 2008 comes to an end in three days time, of course, those who knows me would guess me reflecting thru my year.

2008- was crazy. Yes, really crazy. First half was horribly slow, and horribly horribly a roller coaster. Second half of the year, just passed by SOOOO FAST. Overall, it is a year of growth, going thru the process of lost and found. Many emotions are involved – lost, betrayed, hate, search, longing, and last but not least love. To wrap up,
Jan – Feb: LOST, betrayed,
March – May: SEARCHING
June: found my answer to nursing, STILL SEARCHING, love
July: DETERMINATION, hate, love, trying, and longing
July – November: ENDURANCE, CLOSURE, FAITH, HOPE
December: PEACE, SATISFACTION, ACHIEVEMENT and definitely LOVE

Of course, I can never got thru this whirlwind year without the support and guidance from my frens….
White angels – thanks for supporting me, whenever I am down, broken, at the verge of quitting and giving up. Thanks hui san and wei qi for always always lending your ears to me

Taylorian – thanks for helping me search my soul when I was lost, back to find my own feet, knowing who I was and is

Faithful Lodgians – who else could have drive me more to pursue what I have always wanted. Thanks stella for always being there for me no matter how far we are apart and making sure am alrite.

To those who have hurt me in one way or another – thanks for making me a better person, learning how to get thru all the neg emotions and finding my way back up on the ground. Its thru you all that I have grown and stay strong

Last but not least, though the times may be short, thank you for all the moments that we have been through. Who would have guessed that our short meet and small talk will turn out to be this way. Thank you so much for listening me out, taking care of me when I was sick, enduring my chase, and persevering through my emo-ness and nonsense. Thank you so much for teaching me to let go, to grow, to not be afraid, to be happy, to be a better person, to have faith in things and ppl, to hope for good things and most important of all, thank you for teaching me how to love……myself and you.

And as the new year starts, I hope and I pray that things will be better, enduring whatever moments with a stronger heart and mind.