finals are finally over...yet things are worse than as off before.
the present has changed, the future has changed.
there are just so many things that needs to be done,
things that need to be thought through
because time waits for no man.

and telling me to not think, block it off...
i am trying but as off now, i just cant cos its my life at stake
every minute of it is in my hands
not having anyone to decide for me, choose for me,
or tell me what to do but myself

i am sorry i have to be selfish now...
i cant have you repeat my history at this very week
a week full of reflection not just for this semester,
but the full two years
a week that i have been waiting for
to dedicate to my frens, my founded family here
yet a week of mixed thoughts and emotions,
full of uncertainties and fear
on the change in my plans
a week of important occasions,
the feeling of missing and not being able with your closest ppl
after 20 years of having that opportunity.

i can fly and i want to
but i shouldnt cos i have to be strong
no more running away, finding comfort
no more avoiding, just to feel safe and secure.

cos i have my family too here
supporting me and giving me the strength
once before and now and ever shall be
but will that one very most important member
who was absent before
ever know all this
and walking thru it with me this time???

i am sorry i have to be selfish now
i am sorry i just have to think
i am sorry i have to cry
cos these are the only things i can
to make me strong
to get me thru the day
and make everything ok

if you have to go
if i have to leave....
then i shall take watever that happens
to save the wonders of whether we will make it thru
each time things arise
to save the fears and emotions....
i would go
i would leave
only if you want me to