have you decided on one thing and the next thing you know, you wonder if you are making the correct the decision....or worse, if life is telling you that you shouldnt have made that decision?

oh well, i guess that happens to me all the time. it's hard making decisions, part and parcel of personal growth. and just as i made a decision....a tough and painful decision on the plane in the middle of south china sea yesterday, i was happy that perhaps i made the correct one after meeting one of my fren back in class.

but it wasnt long till i got the news that this friday my group is gonna have a field trip to the blood bank centre. then opening my flooded inbox, one of my fren is posted to the hospital which we are visiting this friday. and wat else, waking up late today, only to be freaked out with the dream i had this morning.

and made me skipped lecture AGAIN this morning. talking bout waking up.....this doesnt sound like a good start.

the dream i guess was the creepiest one of all.....fresh and clear in my head....now i hate waking up during the rapid eye movement stage.....or perhaps only for this particular morning. every scene, conversation and actions was just in my head.

i wonder, if its trying to say sth about the decision i just made, since all three incidents had one in common. i also wonder if i am just getting closer and closer to the world of psychosis or hallucinations.

all i know is that recalling my conversation with dear fren, wei qi on finals, just saves my mind from all those crap thoughts. can vomit blood already, seeing how much i have to catch up and study.

guess tomorrow is another test day for year2s skills, and year1s anatomy. all the best.

and again its just sooo annoying when you have that doubt if life is trying to point you sth.

we'll see in a few days time. all i know, the decision had to be done, not because i dun have faith or it's pointless or what, but perhaps this is the challenge that i have to go thru

-to stella and wei qi, fate lovers -

*if i cant give the greatest love to you, then all i can do is to throw flowers to you*
*and here i am, waiting till that time*

back to SG.....mixed feelings.

lots to blog. but lots to do!! and since i have waken up, i shall do my work first.

cell group soon. then celebrate bday. then work. before i zzzz.

meaning back home story will come soon.....tomorrow or thursday or friday!!!

thursday got skills test, gotta practise first.

wish me luck and the rest of my frens too.

of the oth series and test results plus backache, i am waking up.....serves me right.

but waking up will be paused as off now. todays thursday =>

going back tomorrow till tuesday!!!! cant wait to surprise my parents, especially my dad!!

then when tuesday comes, its really the action of waking up.

gonna have to work on genes, print notes, tidy up stuff, and PACK.

*please dun make go insane for what i have felt about you*

the pig and the kimchi has found my blog!!! WELCOME PEEPS!!

am just so tired now....after emcc, now pbling and later confirm, pon pharmaco.

i am so sorry frens to skip lectures this week. i just dun think i am better off in the lecture theatre while my head is still lying on the bed.

but with cns pharmaco test results, only this week i shall pull that kinda stunt, and no more....as pledged on sept 14.

pbl/pbl/pbl - for the first time i am rushing =<

*i sometimes feel i am hallucinating.....why do i still feel that way for you after the many months*

i so feel like a pig.

been pigging today.

sleep, noodles, biscuits, steamboat and bubble tea.

no wonder am the opposite of shrinking.

heh, i think i owe my frens a bunch in surviving thru my past weekend studying for pharmaco test.

dear old chris, who so reluctantly lend me series so i can watch and study and athe same time. yeap, thats how i study, reverse psychology, need distraction to keep me focused. watched 6 hours straight nonstop yesterday after church. he

kevin, david and wei qi, whom i have talked to, ranting, and complaning, of course chilling out as well, during my 'breaks'.

and definitely last but not least, HUI SAN, for really saving my entire test today. over the weekends, well, of course she helped me got thru my 'sienness', locking myself in this tiny piece of room, being only a phone call away. but whats more importantly, i wouldnt even get any results for my this second ca if it wasnt for her giving me a call in the morning.

am sure you all guess it. it totally din occur to me that the test was at 830am. i tot it was at 9am, thinking of tuesday immunology class time. woke up pretty decently early. had a phone call, and then freshened up plus my breakfast. thinking i should just leave my room at 84oam, i lied on my bed setting alarm at 830am. and hui san called, i tot wah, why so fast 830 already? and she screamed over the phone WHERE ARE YOU????

my mind finally woke up to get the cue that its 830am and i ran all the way to science from my room. and i literally meant RAN, considering how unfit i am for this late few years. luckily i was still good,hahah, reaching before the test starts but of course, being a crazy lady. i so sure look like a girl who just got out of bed!!

but no matter wat, THANK YOU so much my frens for saving me.

ha!! sounds familiar? nostalgic actually. lodgian's motto.
i so need to learn and persevere to succeed.

ingredients needed for the next two days;
- perseverance
- patience
- consistency
- attentiveness

ingredients for the next two months;
- sleep
- SERIES
- planning
- mug!!
- total discipline

OTH season 4 finale just reminds me of the good old days of lodge!!

*look not of the past, nor the future, for they will blind you from the present*

i am afraid, puzzled.

but i know i should not be afraid with You by my side.

talk more next time.

many things has happened
many things need to be pondered, reflected

many things are happening
many things need to be executed, dealt with

many things will happen
many things will need to just wait and see

but one thing for sure,
to just live life with love
and to the fullest,
with no regrets
(if possible)

* i see you, with my eyes, right in front,
i feel you, with my heart, deep inside,
and
i am told to do something, with the things revolving around me, by my side*

case study due next monday and i am half way through. planning to finish by tonite, if not tomorrow, since i will be having meetings etc every night from tomorrow till sunday. but i am ADDICTED. addicted to none other then my series. been watching greys, private practice and one tree hill.

well, one tree hill is the reason actually cos am so far behind, back two seasons and problem now is i have the full series. which means i am watching one episode after another. oh well.

wat else, haemoptysis, cant be that bad right? to say am not scared, that will be a lie, but we'll see how it goes the next few days

addicted?? seriously.....i think i am addicted to sth to else, with its other synonym

3 months
it's still there
fresh

i wonder
if you realized
i wonder
whether if there's anyone else
another good you
or
if that was just it

3 months
short and sweet
love with faith
change to
long and bitter
hurt with memories

but till today, i realized
my heart still speaks of that three words
untouched, unchanged

you can multitask!!
you sure wont wont care, you will still care
you can cos you have been sick in even more critical times
superwoman

is this really me?
what if i am not this person anymore?
what if i am done?


living in denial, harping on to history, not letting go

is this really me?
how do i know if i am not this person anymore?
what if i am done?

i just got back from home....kl i mean. been away for a week. and just as i cross the immigration, my mobile was bombarded with texts. seriously.......

back home, checked my mail......got shot twice. i feel so messed up...with everything

my work, my studies, my friendships....
my health, my life...
myself

yes, am freaking out. sick like a pig with so many things at hand....am not quite sure if i can get thru this stage.

tired, for the first time, i dun care anymore......

i just want my sleep