YOU are the ONE

YOU are the one....really....thank you for your words. i am not sure if i can stick to it but i will try. i am ashamed of myself for always abandoning, forgetting you. it serves as a reminder, a teching. and i so need your help in every single step that i take, cos i know i cant do this on my own, i need you to help me. i know i wont be able to control myself, and thus, please always always watch me.

alritey....i just got back from vivo. yes, i know i am not suppose to be out but its an exception today. my family's old old fren is in town and we haven meet each other for like alomost 15 years. my mums fren actually, and her daughter is my sisters classmate. she saw me when i was a baby, grew up till i left indo. and my memory of her, is her sausage soup. yea, NOSTALGIC i tell you. i was only 4 years old then and left. and we have never met, none of us.

and so, this reunion is a must. she so wanted to see me and i too of course would love to see her and my 'sister'. went out earlier so i will wait instead of them waiting for me. tot of studying since morning i was feeling horrible, nauseous and vomit after the milk and cereal. but sooo many ppl in vivo, xmas celebration, end up window shoppig which ultimatly brought home 2 dresses. yes, i know bought in on impulse. so much so for saving up. i tell you am so dead. spend so much this year. beyond my budget for sure when i close my account.

met up, chat, eat, shop. and now back home. tired, must be the everyday 5 hours of sleep due to the birds chirping and spoon mug musical. i think am gonna sleep earlier tonite. i hope i can. kinda wayyyy behind time of my studies. dun wanna blame it all on todays outing.

plan: - healthy diet, since i cant fit into some of my dresses
- sleep early, so i dun end up having flu by the end of next week, or when i come back from ipoh
- really focus and know what i am studying, cant afford to just skim thru and come back later
- throw my wallet away, besides xmas gifts and bday gifts, i really shouldnt be buying anything else since my travel expenses is way beyond my budget this sem

study study study and rest rest rest

*i am afraid i will never stop loving you.
and so i am afraid i will never love others.
i am afraid of you hurting me.
and so i am afraid i have to chase you away.
but that fear in me, really is a protective mechanism in me,
so i feel safe and contented with my life not.
but thats not right and i know.
and here i am trying to break that fear
and just have faith and trust in you
for you have saved me too many times*

btw, i am soooooooo excited for next year, during this time. not gonna tell you guys why. hahahah